Today, for the first time, I felt the warmth of the sun on my face. The sunlight in the field next to our house and on our front balcony was too good not to take a picture of. The sun was so bright that I had to squint to look in its direction. My skin tingled in the warmth and, unexpectedly, I felt relieved.
I haven’t had much time to think about the darkness this season. I’ve kept myself busy and so haven’t felt the pangs for sunlight. But even though my mind didn’t need the sun, my body was missing it very much. I haven’t been able to escape the dark insomnia. When the twilight comes about 11am, that is when my body wants to wake up. It is very hard to function before that. The darkness makes it hard for my body to know when to go to sleep. I become tired enough about two or three in the morning. But to try and get on a good sleeping schedule, just like curing yourself from jet-lag, every morning I drag myself out of bed about 7am. This is a never ending battle for two sunless months. Going to bed really late then waking up early to try and correct your insomnia. But it never gets corrected until the sun returns and the days become normal again, for a little while.
But there is also another part of me that always gets affected during the dark season – my being. As the dark season progresses I feel more emotionally drained. I find that when I cut myself off from listening to my being, my inner voice, the darkness can go by easier. This year I have been able to put my being aside to keep living in the dark season. Today when the sun shone on my face there was an awakening and I felt very emotional. I had finally endured the dark season, a big weight had been lifted, and I was finally free to move on.
The Sun Season is framed by the Dark Season each year like it is a piece of time encapsulated. So each Sun Season is a unique little bubble that doesn’t drift into the next season. It is unattached. Each year is different and time remembered is always in the light or in the dark.
I don’t know what this Sun Season will bring. Sometimes it is painfully cloudy and you just have to sigh and say to yourself ‘there is always next Sun Season’. Other times the sun is so bright and warm it makes you think of the Dark Season. The beginning of the Sun Season always brings new hope for the future and how great your life will be. Here I am writing to you very excited about what the sun may bring.