Barnehage Blues
I hadn’t planned for Lilu to go to barnehage (direct translation “children’s garden”, Norwegian childcare). I have the opportunity to look after both my small children at home but barnehage has been recommended by our doctor for Lilu’s language development.
In Norway it is expected that all children go to barnehage and it is thought that a child misses out on essential development if they stay at home until school age. When investigating different barnehagers a carer said that children learn so much more at childcare than home like learning how to cut with scissors. I couldn’t help frowning. I’m sure Norwegians don’t expect childcare to teach basic things that should be taught in the home first?
We found a good barnehage that could place Lilu straight away, however, most places have long waiting lists. If we couldn’t get a place our doctor offered to make a referral for language development that would make Lilu a priority. Barnehagers are organised and subsidised by the government so everyone pays about the same, about NOK2400 a month. Some offer options for part-time. My concern is that many of the workers at barnehagers are uneducated “assistants”. These people are often students, immigrants or kids just out of school themselves. This was certainly one of the things that made me dubious about Norwegian childcare.
We registered Lilu for fulltime as suggested by both doctor and barnehage so she could get into a daily routine. The barnehage runs by the clock – routine this and routine that – time for indoor play, outdoor play and food with some excursions thrown in. I believe that a child needs consistency and structure but rigid routines takes the fun out of life. I hope that barnehage won’t take out Lilu’s free and adventurous spirit.
Clothes, clothes, clothes. There is so much clothes that your child needs for barnehage – out door clothes, indoor clothes, snow clothes, wool clothes… Triple sets and everything named.
When your child starts barnehage there are many forms and systems to follow. One of the “rules” set up by the Norwegian government is that parents must supervise their children for the first days of barnehage, something that was left out of our orientation information. Lilu is a very confident and social little girl. We have the greatest confindence in her ability to adapt to her new environment, even still, for the first two days we picked her up after two hours. It was a little scarey to leave her as there was no sign in. I made sure to see the class leder to let her know Lilu was there. There would be an awkward silence and I’d ask ‘I guess I should go?’ It was replied with a nod. Lilu was doing fine and loving her new play place. On the third day we were called up by the barnehage manager who was shocked that we would just leave Lilu at the barnehage. I was called in for a discussion and the manager tried to tell me off for leaving Lilu. Apparently, I was supposed to be told (via letter from the kommune) that for the first two days either Moose or I have to sit at barnehage supervising Lilu. The paradox of this was bewildering. A parent puts their kid in childcare because they have to work but in Norway they are expected to take off two days of work just to sit and supervise their child. The manager suggested ‘What kind of parent would just leave their kid at barnehage?’ And I replied that Lilu is a confident and social little girl and that she has adjusted very well. I added ‘If you had met her you would know that she would be perfectly fine with her new activities’. (The manager hadn’t even seen her yet.) She also ignored that Lilu was starting barnehage at 3 years of age, not at six months like most Norwegian kids. The manager followed up with ‘In Norway it is the rules’. I couldn’t help myself and said ‘So you get paid while I have to take two days off work to supervise my own child in your barnehage’. It seemed for the first time the manager realised how silly it was.
So, the next week, Moose had to take two days off work as I still had Lil’Red to look after at home (and he was not allowed to be brought along). Moose and Lilu arrived at barnehage. He supervised her and after one hour the class leader approached him and said that Lilu was doing so well that Moose could leave and come back later on to pick her up. You could imagine my mind when he came home without Lilu. Not a good start to barnehage.
A major concern about Norwegian barnehage is their drive to ‘socialise’ every child. This actually means making the child become uniform to societal rules and attitudes. Lilu is energetic, creative and outgoing. She certainly marches to her own drum. I love her ‘Australian’ spirit. She is just like an Aussie kid. However, we have already got feedback that she needs to be quieter, calmer and, well basically, more Norwegian. They say we need to practice with Lilu at home. The Norwegian barnehage doesn’t understand that Lilu isn’t just Norwegian and that she doesn’t have to be just Norwegian.
However, even though Lilu is being trained to be ‘Norwegian’ at barnehage we still enjoy celebrating our Australianess everywhere else.
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I love that Lilu is an individual; part Norwegain but also part Aussie. I am now working in a private school teaching three year old children so I understand what you say. They are actually learning Spanish!
It’s interesting that they basically.. meld… the children to be like eachother from a young age, 6 months you said they normally start? perhaps this is why society moves together so well in a country like Norway. It is also pretty funny that no one seems to have considered how strange it is for the parent to stay at the barnehage at first… maybe because they have all been raised in Norway so it just seems completely normal to them. I’m not sure if I would want to send my kids to the equivalent of daycare, but I’d probably have no choice.
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from L-Jay:
I am constantly amazed at how similar Norwegians are to each other, especially living so spread out. They don’t think so though, lol. They are very quick to point out differences.
I am a Canadian living in Norway now for 2 years. As you’ve mentioned before it is one of the easier jobs to get for immigrants and I worked briefly at a barnehage for english children. This was private and organized better than the government run ones. I have stood and watched barnehage assistants completely ignore the children at parks, standing around talking with one another; so I feel your concern as to quality of care. Also, as far as I know you have to send your children not only with clothes but lunch! I was shocked to hear this, the children do not get warm meals but play outside for most of the day ( even in winter ).
I did not last long at the barnehage as I craved adult interaction too much and I was constantly sick ( being around sniffly children all day ).
I do not have children yet but I can see myself having similar concerns and not being able to hold my tongue either. Nice to hear your holding your ground
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from L-Jay:
Our barnehage provides lunch but we have to bring breakfast for Lilu for a 9am meal. (Breakfast at 9am? Go figure…lol. Lilu gets her breakfast at 7am. But I guess a Hobbits life with second-breakfast isn’t so bad…lol.)
Another odd thing the barnehage said to us was to be ready for Lilu to get sick all the time in the first year until she builds up her immune system. I know this is logical but it didn’t sound impressive…lol.
I’m sorry to hear you had a slightly rocky start.
Most children start Nursery from the age of 12 months, I think most nurseries would not admit younger children.
Shame that this Nursery was so rigid in their settling in routines. I’m used to nurseries who days that it all comes down to the child. Some need 2 weeks settling in when others walk in the first day and are perfectly fine.
Maybe this is a state Nursery?
You can find lots of lovely private nurseries (and pay the same monthly fee per months as it is all funded) following ideas like Montesorri and others that maybe would suit your daughter slightly better?
My girls went to a “boho nursery” where the children were allowed and encouraged to be both creative and impulsive.
I’m not quite sure were you live and how many nurseries that are near you.
Or maybe your little girl settles in just fine and then hopefully the communication with the teachers and the nurseries improves!
Best of luck!
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from L-Jay:
At this barnehage there is a whole baby section for under 12 months. They have a parking bay outside to put all the prams so they can sleep outside…lol. I want to take a pic of it but I don’t want to intrude.
The barnehage we go to is private but it is quite big. I know that there are a lot of state run ones. There is just one community one run by a co-op but there is a very long waiting list to get in. I don’t know of any private daycares in my area, being in Alta, there were none on the kommune’s list. I’ve never heard of a ‘boho’ nursery – are they like those Steiner schools?
I think in situations like these, starting barnehage, it is just really exhausting getting into the Norwegian system of things. In Australia I learnt how the Australians do it and because it was my first experience I thought nothing of it. But having to relearn how things work in childcare for Norway (like everything else) can be frustrating. I know it comes with the territory of living in another country but living in Norway makes things surreal. (‘Surreal’ – meaning that everything is virtually the same with some little differences that makes it a little odd). If everything was different in Norway it would certainly make it easier but because only a few things are different here and there then you not only have to work out the differences but work out the things that are the same too….lol.
But I am very interested in this ‘boho’ barnehage. Just somethings you need a young Norwegian woman to tell you these things (I know Moose doesn’t know of these, as I ask…lol, and Farmor has been out of the barnehage loop for some time…lol.) So where else does an immigrant girl get her information from? Her blog of course!
Cheers
“My concern is that many of the workers at barnehagers are uneducated “assistants”. These people are often students, immigrants or kids just out of school”
Are you implying that being an immigrant equates to being uneducated? Seems an odd thing to say given that you yourself are an immigrant? I agree with you, though, that Norwegian barnehager cater too much to the “norm” and tend to discourage individuality.
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from L-Jay:
I’m meaning that they are not educated in childcare, at least. You could have a PDH in astro-physics but still know nothing about children. Should someone like that get a job in a barnehage? Apparently they do. I know of two journalists, a man from Iraq and a lady from Brazil, who work in Barnehagers as uneducated assistants because they cannot get jobs in their field. This is a usual thing for immigrants in Norway, having to work in unrelated jobs than their career. But I don’t think it is good for them to get a child carer job without proper education. But this is how Norway rolls
One of the main functions of public education is to make all children think like the state wants them to. It’s just the same here in the US. That’s why we have so many homeschoolers over here now, and why the state educational personnel generally hate homeschoolers.
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from L-Jay:
I wish I was smart enough to home school my kids. But I do believe that the best teachers are loving parents.
Wow.. So sorry for your bad experience! I hope they don’t crush Lilu’s spirit.
I’m surprised by how different things are. I can’t believe about the assistants – that would completely freak me out!! My partner Andreas worked as an after-school carer in Norway and they asked if he’d be interested in some relief teaching. I was totally appalled, because it’s so different here. You have to have qualifications and a blue card (for anyone else who doesn’t know, that’s a card saying you’ve cleared a police check and are allowed to work with children) to do any sort of education or child care. Babysitting is one thing, but preschool and school are something else. I don’t want just anybody teaching my kid!
When my daughter started preschool this year the staff told me it’s easier for everyone if the parents just drop the child as quickly as possible and leave, not hang around! Total opposite of your experience! Her preschool also has sign-in, sign-out, and a security code on the door to get in. Her dad is a childcare worker and wanted her to start for the social aspect, and in preparation for school, so she only goes 2 days a week, but I’ve been really impressed with the place – they’re very thorough and open about exactly how and what they do.
Babies in childcare makes me sad
I don’t know everyone’s situation, and I don’t have any alternatives, but that’s how I feel. Especially when, as mentioned in another of your posts, if breastfeeding is encouraged it’s a bit contradictory to also encourage early childcare. Obviously every circumstance is different, but in a nutshell I just feel that it’s too easy for people to skip the responsibility and commitment of raising a child (not saying that’s always the case).
Hope Lilu can have a ball and pick up the language though
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I plan on reading back through your language posts to decide about how we’re going to split the Norwegian/English speaking here when bub arrives
Hopefully it’ll rub off on Azalia as well!
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from L-Jay:
Gratulerer!!! Thats wonderful. We wish you all the best. Lilu will see the doctor again soon about her language development. It will be interesting. But the class leader at barnehage asked me what language I discipline Lilu in. English, of course…lol. Apparently Lilu doesn’t listen to the carers when they tell her to do something. So tomorrow they will try in English…lol.
I’m new to your blog but have really enjoyed browsing around your site the past couple of days. My family is here in Norway for a year while my husband does a sabbatical (we are near Oslo but not in the city, so rural but not so remote as you!). I loved your comment about how the cultural differences in Norway can seem “surreal.” You put into words some of what I’ve felt here. So many things are the same for us (we are from the US, and originally from MN no less, where there is a distinct Norwegian flair to the culture from all the immigrants), yet there are differences that crop up when you least expect it! Often we don’t even realize there is a cultural difference until we get that feeling of a “disconnect” somewhere in relating to a native Norwegian.
I have 3 kids in school (they are at the local public school to meet other kids and soak up culture, but we are also doing some homeschooling to keep up with their US school). But I also have twins who are 4. We looked into barnehagen for them, but frankly it was more expense than we wanted for the year, and I am home full-time, so it seemed a bit of a waste of money. Every Norwegian I meet, however, wants to know if they are going to a barnehage, and looks a bit askance when I say that they aren’t.
Someone who has lived here a long time recently described Norwegians to me as fairly “conformist.” There seems to be an expectation that it is best if all are the same. (Which is good in many ways–same opportunities, etc, but does have its down side). Sounds like that is part of what you are running into with your daughter. I hope you are able to work out the bumps, she sounds like a delightful girl!
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from L-Jay:
I hear whispers from Norwegians about the school system here. I don’t really know how it works but I’ve heard that the government (social-democrates) are the ones who make every kid have the ‘same’ especially in education. The government is good in providing opportunities for those who are in need such as reading programs for kids that are falling behind, but for the kids that excel there is no encouragement. In fact, I’ve heard Norwegians complain that the government pulls down the kids who excel to be the same as the normal kids. This is just talk, of course, but it will be interesting to find out if it is true when we get in the school system…lol. I know nothing about Norwegian politics but politics is the one thing that Norwegians seem to have an opinion on and are willing to share it…lol.
Speaking as as someone who went through the Gifted and Talented program from 2nd Grade through 8th Grade (after which we were all mainstreamed), the bulk of the responsibility for intellectual enrichment still fell to my parents and myself. Too many people delude themselves into thinking that having G&T classes available is the make-or-break for a smart child.
Is one-size-fits-all education holding them back? It only is if you allow it to. Additionally, if a smart child doesn’t learn how other children absorb knowledge it is very easy to become distant and detached from other people and it’s hard to relate to them.
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from L-Jay:
I’ve heard that there have been no Talented and Gifted programs for at least 10 years. I’ve heard also that these days kids don’t get graded until middle school. (In the 80s Moose didn’t get graded either.) Maybe there are only Gifted programs in the bigger cities, there was no such programs available when Moose was a kid (and he was certainly gifted in English – teaching his English teacher…lol).
I work with the kulturskole in Alta and there are some interesting developments happening in the education sector in regards to putting back culture. It seems that since the government took out regular culture programs in schools ten years ago (replacing it with a Kulturell skolesekk (Cultural school bag)) Norwegian children are not as smart and bullying has increased. Now there is a plan to not only put back culture in schools but also barnehage and SFO (after school care) and kulturskoler will play a major role in teaching music, drama and dance in schools not just as an after school activity. This will actually be posted about in the short future – but this is a heads up
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My home state’s Dept of Education has a mandate to provide G&T classes to those who have the aptitude. The citizenry is often accused of being a bunch of hillbillies, but at least they’ve got that bit right, education wise.
My point was mainly that a lack of G&T classes is not a crisis for children with parents who are willing to step up and make the effort to enrich their children’s lives. Norway’s general affluence makes it almost a crime not to. They have the means here but not the will. I suspect it’s another case of “shut your kakehole and DO something about it”.
Somehow, in the supposedly backwards part of the US that I lived in, even the poor families with smart children (like my own) managed to find a way to provide the activities and enrichment needed.
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from L-Jay:
I think it is the attitude of a lot of Norwegian parents to just let the State take care of education. Parents are conditioned to put their kids in childcare as soon as possible to ‘socialise’ them and teach them things like ‘using scissors’. One of the things I’m starting to realise is the lack of input parents have in schools here. They just dump their kids off at the gate and pick them up again (well, they make their kids walk, even six year olds in winter, ice and snow. When they get older they can certainly start their stories with ‘When I was your age I had to walk through two metres of snow, on ice in the dark to get to school….lol.).
When Lilu first started barnehage I asked the manager if there was anything they wanted me to do (such as teach a barnedans class, reading books, attending excursions etc) as I’m accustomed to do so in the schools in Australia. If you have a talent or skill you share it with the school. The manager thought it was bazaar for me to even suggest it.
I know that there are problems with no books in schools in my area, so much so that teachers have to photocopy pages from their own work books for students. Back home in this situation the parents would either buy the books for their children, a company would donate the books or the parents and PTA would at least rally together and fundraise to buy the books for the school. I know of nothing like that here. (But I have seen kids selling waffles, etc, for school parties or Russ, but never for books…lol.)
It seems parents here just expect the State to pay for everything and if they don’t the kids go without until they do. I know of several teachers who feel helpless about the situation and are struggling to give kids a good education because they have lack of support from parents. Back home it was important to be a part of your child’s schooling. Apart from parent/child daily home reading assignments, I was involved in a reading program for kids, was at school every week helping in maths class and I participated in class projects like making a music video. I think one of the main problems in Norway is that nobody does anything for free. I think it is nice to get paid for your services but not at the cost of children’s education.
I find it surreal that schools would have a G&T program without having enough money to buy books for the kids. Norway always talks about how rich it is but it is not rich enough to give more to education. I think it is perplexing…lol.
But this is also another post in the works
I’m surprised by your barnehage experience. We are Americans, and moved to Norway in August. My 2.5 year old started at a Friluftsbarnehage (a barnehage with focus on outdoor life and nature) within a few weeks, and we are very happy with it. I feel like the care providers there are very well educated compared to some of the daycares we had in the US, and the “education” she is getting here is far superior to that in the US as well. Not to mention that she LOVES it, and was also speaking fluent Norwegian within a month.
You’re right about the clothes, and the schedule. We found, however, that our barnehage was quite flexible about something Norwegians hold near and dear to their hearts: baby’s napping outside. My daughter just couldn’t get used to it, and was exhausted by the end of the day. They now allow her to nap inside, and she gets solid rest there, while the other kids nap outside in their strollers.
I, too, struggle a bit with my kid being at “daycare” while I’m at home, not working. But, I need to remind myself that we moved here for the cultural experience, and to partake fully in Norwegian society, and not to live on the fringe. So, for her to go to barnehage and be able to learn the language, that’s important right now. And it allows me to focus on what my job right now is: learning Norwegian.
I’ve also heard negative things about the school systems not having programs for kids who excel, and quite frankly it’s something that I worry about. . . about 5 years in advance. We’ll just have to see.
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from L-Jay:
I’ve battled with learning Norwegian for a while now, but now I have a good excuse to tell people…lol. I say I speak English at home so my kids can learn and talk with their Australian family. Which is true, but it takes a bit of the pressure off me too. Norwegians are good at understanding when you do things for kids
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Wondered why my previous post in this debate hasn’t appeared.
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from L-Jay:
Sorry, we haven’t received a previous comment from you. This is the first one in our records. If you don’t mind you can write it again now that you have been approved
Hi =) Came across this blog and I find it very interesting to see an “outsider” ‘s view on Norway. Gives a little perspective =) I’m sorry you have had such a bad experience with barnehagen. I do agree that a lot of what you experienced seems odd though. I work in a barnehage myself (I’m not yet educated in child care, but I can assure you that, as someone in a comment before mine here suggested, all people working in barnehagen HAVE to have a paper from the police and provide to the manager before you’re even considered for the job). It sounds odd to me that they have children under 12 months there, as this is not usually the case anywhere in my city at least. If there are kids under a year, it’s because there is a problem at home and they need the assistance. As for the schedules, yes there are times for eating, going outside and playing. But the law actually says that the children should take part in the planning of what to do. And any good barnehage, which should be all of them but probably isn’t, will always do their best to let every child’s needs when it comes to ways of playing toand creativity blossom. Sometimes though, they have to sit down and be quiet. If every child ran around doing exactly what they felt like, most of them would not have a good time seeing as some kids tend to take over the playing and winding down is a skill to learn too. At my barnehage we make it a point to have the children outside playing for at least an hour every day (unless it’s too cold) and in my opinion, that’s good for the kids. They get be as loud as they want and run around until they fall down exhausted and happy and they get to get dirty in the mud. I hope your barnehage will show a better side of itself and that Lilu will enjoy it a lot there. Afterall. Most of us who work with kids do it because we want them to be happy and enjoy themselves and in my experience, after a little while, most kids enjoy their time with their friends in barnehagen so much they hardly want to leave. =)
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from L-Jay:
It is certain that all people working at barnehager must have a police check but they certainly don’t need education in child care. When I was completing the second level of Norwegian at voksenopplæringen in Tromsø a lady who supervised the public run barnehagers came to the school. She was specifically there to interview anyone who wanted a job working at a barnehage. A handful of immigrants were chosen to work as assistants in Tromsø barnehagers without child education. This is one of the things that scared me in sending Lilu to barnehage.
So far we havent had anymore problems with the barnehage, apart from them telling us a day late about the deadline for Christmas holidays, going on excursion without telling us (so we had to chase them to the theatre) and blaming us for not bringing outside gloves when they were sitting in Lilu’s box all along, all in a week, but it is early days yet.
Well it sounds like the people working at your barnehage needs to step up their game a little
When parents come to them with concerns they should always take it to the weekly staff meeting they are supposed to have =) Excursions shouldn’t be made without the parents knowing about it I agree.
I hope it is going better at the barnehage. I have had very good luck with ours but like everything they can vary or have a hard time getting qualifiied personnel. Im not sure if switching is an opition to one that you are more happy with and take the approach you would be more comfortable with.
I guess if you look after problems, you’ll always find some.. I know my parents where really happy with mine and my younger siblings barnehage when we were younger… maybe you have to be norwegian to think a barnehage is something good for children..
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from L-Jay:
I think you have to be Norwegian to think it is better for someone to look after your children rather than yourself.
Hi L-Jay. I just re-read this and I remember your last comment from before, it has stuck in my mind
“I think you have to be Norwegian to think it is better for someone to look after your children rather than yourself.” You’re spot on. I was having a wobble this morning, thinking, wouldn’t it be so much easier for us to move back (I’m Norwegian, husband is British and we’re in the UK), but this has reminded me once again why it’s not for us. Actually, I came across the article about women asking to be induced so they could get their babies into nursery earlier (so shocking!!!!!), which brought me back to this article. So, thank you. I’m happy where I am
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from L-Jay:
It’s funny, just last week I had a conversation with some barnehagen staff and they we trying to convince me that Norwegians think they are lucky to have their children in barnehagen. I disagreed…lol, and said where I come from kids are lucky to have a parent at home to look after them. The staff couldn’t understand why…lol.
But I think I discovered the reason behind barnehagen staff ideas about themselves – they need to feel valued in society, important. They are always considered to be in a low position in society so I think they need something to hold on to, to believe in – that children are ‘blessed’ to go to barnehagen. If barnehagen becomes only a last resort for parents in Norway then the barnehagen status drops further in society.
I must admit, I loathe taking my kids to barnehagen. They only go for language development (and to follow society’s rules) and so now I’ve taken on more work just to do something during my days…lol. The barnehagen staff know I would much rather look after my own kids and I think that baffles them, if not scares them…lol.