Norwegian Men and Import Brides
This is always a controversial topic in Norway. There is currently a documentary series on national TV that presents the issues of being an immigrant in Norway: Det nye landet. Last week the documentary focused on Norwegian men and ‘import brides’. It is commonly known amongst Norwegians that Norwegian men import brides because Norwegian women don’t consider them ‘a catch’. So Norwegian men look elsewhere.
When it comes to Norwegians marrying someone abroad certain trends have developed over the years. Currently most Norwegian women who marry from abroad marry from Sweden, Denmark and the UK. Most Norwegian men who marry from abroad marry women firstly from Thailand, secondly from Russia and thirdly from the Philippines. The import brides have clear reasons for their marriage choice: Russian women marry Norwegian men because of the ‘Norwegianess’ – meaning that Norwegian men are more domesticated than Russian men therefore Russian women have less domestic responsibility and more ‘freedom’. South-east Asian woman marry Norwegian men because they want to up-grade their lifestyle and also use it as a means to support their family in Thailand.
Through this study an unfortunate trend has surfaced. Some of these marriages have turned out to be a very bad arrangement. By Norwegian law a foriegn spouse may be sent back to their country if the marriage hasn’t lasted for more than three years. Some Norwegian men use this power to control their spouse. He threatens divorce, and in turn will send the import bride back to her home country, if she doesn’t do what the man wants or the marriage has problems. It is known that if the marriage is disagreeable in the eyes of the Norwegian man he will divorce his first import bride, sending her home, and then, I quote from the documentary: ‘they pick up a new younger wife from abroad if the marriage has conflicts’. Some of these import marriages trap women into a life of insecurity and service.
A Russian woman who marries a Norwegian man increases her social status among her friends and family. However, coming home from Norway after a failed marriage will decrease her status to the same extent. Many Russian women wait for three years until they divorce so they can stay in Norway and not have to face disgrace back in their home country.
One particular Russian woman, now living in Tromsø, said that her friend was married to a Norwegian. Her friend asked her if she wanted to live in Norway. When the Russian woman asked ‘how’, her friend said that their neighbour was a single man. Soon after the neighbour and the Russian woman ‘hooked up’. The couple are now divorced because of “differences”, after a four year marriage. The Russian woman wanted to return to Russia but said that there was nothing for her in her homeland.
A UiT researcher, Ann Therese Lotherington, says ‘The Norwegian regulations produce dominating men and subordinate women. Even if the parties don’t want it that way.’ She mentions that this does not fit with the Norwegian view of gender equality. However, ‘many of the 6500 marriages between Norwegian men and Thai women are happy but Norwegian law allows some men to exploit their wives’.
Interview from Thai woman who was masked to hide her identity:
The first time we met we hit it off and he asked me to come to Norway on a holiday… (After marriage): After two months he said I wasn’t allowed to go to school. He said if I went to school he would send me back and that I had to apply for a job. I worked long hours and when I came home he was angry with me. That’s when I made the decision I wanted to break up. I couldn’t be with him anymore. Many Norwegian men just want to have sex and then just dump them and find a new one. It’s better not to get them. It is better to leave them in Thailand.
Statistics show that most Norwegian men who marry import brides live in rural areas as there are not enough Norwegian women (as they have all moved to the cities to further their careers). It means that import brides are brought to secluded areas or small towns. This makes an even greater challenge for import brides to successfully transition to Norwegian life. Unfortunately, to be an ‘import bride’ – meaning brought into the country by a Norwegian man to have sexual relations and to clean and cook for him – they will not be well received into the community. This isolation will weigh heavily on the import bride. As is is, it is very hard for regular immigrants to make friends in Norway, so it is even harder for an import bride to make connections. Not only do import brides have to deal with regular immigration difficulties such as culture shock and discrimination, but an underlining sense of shame projected on them by Norwegian society. Even amongst immigrants, import brides have a lower status than asylum seekers.
As mentioned above most Norwegian man and import brides have ‘happy’ marriages. Even though ‘love’ might not be the primary motivation it can still be a win-win situation – meaning the man gets someone to look after him and the import bride gets someone to take care of her and her family.
This documentary Det nye landet is an interesting comment on Norwegian immigrants and immigration. The series can be viewed on NRK web-TV (it might not be available in certain countries and the dialogue is in Norwegian): www1.nrk.no/nett-tv/prosjekt/1394
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Pølse is THE fast food of Norway. When the grilled pølse was first introduced to Norway in the 50s it was eaten naked – without bread.
The bunad is a traditional Norwegian costume worn by both men and women. It can either come from established rural traditions or have a more modern design inspired by historical patterns and cuts.
How Norway became a country is shrouded in mystery and folklore. The most well known tale is of Harald Hårfagre who gathered the small kingdoms of the north into a unified nation in 872AD – and of course, this story is about love.
The further ‘out of the way’ you go the more common it is to see folk cottages standing by the side of roads, along fjords or in a thicket of trees, minding their own business.
You wrote “It is commonly known amongst Norwegians that Norwegian men import brides because Norwegian women don’t consider them ‘a catch’. So Norwegian men look elsewhere.”
I think that came out a bit more all-encompassing than you meant. Many Norwegian men are considered catches by Norwegian women. And most can find at least one woman who considers them a catch;)
The men who import brides tend to be the small group of the male population who tend to lose in the mating game, often because women don’t consider those men catches.
Sometimes because they live in remote places with a severe deficit in the number of females. But occasionally because they hold-old fashined views on gender roles, or have a temper and hit women, or because they are old but unwilling to relaxd the “standards” of attractiveness they hold women to.
Something not mentioned as much either is the “3-year divorce”. Import brides who divorce their husbands a week after the three-year limit is up, take them for alimony/child support payments, and strike out on their own. Sometimes eventually importing a boyfriend form their home country.
The plight of pretty young women are more telegenic, one supposes. But a man who strongly suspects his import bride is going to leave him after the three-year limit, might have to make a calculartion in regards to divorcing her now, or having her divorce him later, and be stuck with a large financial burden.
Of course the men who start out as low scorers in the mating game are often controlling, suspcious and jealous in the first place. Or poor, on the minimum benefits and unable to work.
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from L-Jay:
I agree – the sentence was supposed to mean that the reason certain Norwegian men seek out import brides is because it is usually harder for them to have a relationship with a Norwegian woman. And there are many reasons for this, of course: Norwegian women standards are generally very high, there aren’t enough woman in certain places or the Norwegian men don’t want ‘high maintenance’ relationships etc. (But I think you explained it better…lol).
I have only heard of import brides bringing their boyfriends over when they are from Eastern European countries or African countries (even while still married!) but I guess it can happen from everywhere.
I have never heard of alimony in Norway as it is encouraged that everyone supports themselves (is there alimony in Norway??) but if the couple have children I can understand that it is a parents responsibility to pay child support payments (but it is not that much in Norway compared to other countries and the government can also support payments too).
Excelent post on a “hairy” subject…
You did put it very well. I am a foreign married to a norwegian, and even though I don’t fit in the “import bride” category, it is already hard enough being accepted. I wonder how those women can bear… Thank you for the link on the NRK program, I haven’t seen it on tv.
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from L-Jay:
I was amazed and pleased at how frank the doco was with the issue. You always hear whispers in the wind but this laid it all out and wasn’t afraid or embarrassed to do so. I look forward to the next episode.
I’m in agreement with Jan. There seems to be a lot of generalisation with that article. I appreciate the topic from a cultural standpoint, but one could very easily take out the country Norway and replace it with many, many other Western countries. In the U.S. “Russian mail-order brides” are so common it’s become a punchline to many jokes. And the idea that the woman becoming “subservient” to the man is usually only part of a give-and-take arrangement. Of immigrant women marrying men here in Canada, it’s generally known that the female is the one with the alternative motive.
I’d be interested to hear more of the documentary’s take on the female Norwegian and their views of Norwegian men vs. men from abroad.
Great topic!
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from L-Jay:
There was a lot on generalisation in the doco too, I guess not to offend any specific group of people
– so generalising isn’t necessary a bad thing. I think it would be more inappropriate to name names. But the doco also had a lot of stats which you can find on http://www.ssb.no. The doco said that 10% of Norwegian men who marry, marry a foreigner. I think that is a lot compared to other countries, so the topic is very ‘general’ 
.
In Australia it is quite uncommon to marry someone from abroad. There doesn’t seem to be as many mixed marriages either compared to Norway. In fact, the only references to Aussies in Australian culture of having import brides is of lonely outback farmers – generally thought to be a myth but also a stereotype thanks to the movie “Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert”. (The ping pong scene still makes me squirm!)
Living in Norway I’ve never been so aware of import brides in my life. I had never met one in Australia but in Tromsø I see them regularly. But import brides seem to be a normal topic of conversation here. You can certainly pick them out at the shopping centre. They are usually in their 20s and the Norwegian men are in their 40s or 50s. They walk peculiarly close to their husbands as if they are clinging on. It seems like they are aware that everyone else is aware they are imports. (I’m told that Norwegians have a habit of staring at ethnic immigrants.) However, I have never met an import bride socially, at uni or in a language class here. The doco certainly made me think about how hard it must be for import brides to adjust to their new life.
Interesting topic.Surely, Moose is a big, good looking ‘hunk’ who would be a ‘catch’ for any lucky Norwegian maiden. So why did he have to travel all the way to Austalia to find his ‘one and only’? Anyway, you appear to be a sweet and gifted lassie and Moose had better plan to keep you around for much longer than the three year legal period whereby he can change his mind.
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from L-Jay:
We’ve been married for nearly five but he still has a chance to divorce me because I don’t reach my three year mark until the end of the year. I better be good – give lots of foot-rubs…lol!
Moose did cause a stir in Oz. He towered over the average Aussie man (Finnish blood) and he was seen as very exotic! lol. Ah, yes! I wish more Norwegians would import Aussies! – just enough so I can have someone to celebrate Australia Day with.
Very good post on an interesting topic. I’m an “import bride” myself, although I don’t fit the characteristics of the category. I’m from Brazil and my fiancee is Norwegian. We live in Oslo and we both are educated, but I notice that most other import brides didn’t study much in their homecountries or didn’t have good jobs. Some of our norwegian friends (men) also date foreigners… it does seem to be common here. On the other hand, there are quite a few norwegian women I know in their 30′s who are still single and can’t find the “right” man. Hard issue…
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from L-Jay:
It seems like Norwegian women are more picky than English-speaking women, at least. I know a few Norwegian women who don’t want to marry unless the man makes at least as much money as they do (and these are women in high-end jobs!…lol). Of course, they are in their thirties and single…lol. I think Norwegian women have been brought up with a clear sense that the quality of man they marry will be the quality of life they will have. In Oz, I was brought up with ‘the man that you love is the man you marry’ (and I just so happen to fall in love with a Norwegian…lol). Of course, Norwegian women marry for love but they also seem to be more careful who they fall in love with.
As the great-granddaughter of a Norwegian woman, I think there is something passed along about that very … “carefulness” in the genes!! We girls were always to be very careful about whom we fell in love with, to the point that my sister and I haven’t found ours yet!! [I have three female cousins, two of whom married men who had post-graduate degrees and who made good money; the third has been married and divorced twice, both men having had little ambition or advanced education.]
There was definitely an unspoken – and sometimes spoken – expectation that the men we chose would be our equals in education and finance, too – and since my sister and I both have advanced degrees and good jobs (she makes more money than I do, though!), the over-40/over-6-foot-2 pool is not very deep in the US, and it’s gotten shallower by the year. (The reason for the height thing is, my sister and I are both over 5’11″ … anyway….)
To make a long comment short, I think your perception of the Norwegian ideal – the quality of man they marry will be the quality of life they will have – is spot on, and it carries over into subsequent generations – even when the Norwegian women no longer live in Norway! Thank you for the insight!!
Yeah, interesting. I have been enganged with norwagian guy. I wonder why he did not find the girl around him. He has split with ex gf, becouse she dont want kids, she was career oriented. Yeah maybe norwegian man lack of sex and love to find the girl around, so they are import bridge.
Now, i know why my norwegian into me (after read this article) and it makes me affraid (hee,,,) he want me to being pregnant, often talk about preganancy and kids, BUT litle few talk about marriage. I think there is any something weird or wrong of this guy or its norway tradition, having a baby not in marriage. He want to be a father. Im working here ( in my country), he never talk about how about my career if im pregnant, follow with him go for norway or he move here (his company have office in my country)
I just keep in positive thinking (but wondering) is this norway tradition or i find wrong norway guy? having baby with no marriage.
Im 31 yo and he is 37 yo. we have been realtionship for about more than 1 years, i like him not becouse of norway, he is beauty face, well educated, kind guy (so far)
but Thanx for this article, its reliaZe me…
Thanx You Soo much…
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from L-Jay:
It is trendy not to get married these days but if it is important to you do what he did – find another who has the same values as you.
Excellently written item on a very prickly topic. We all have our opinions and experiences on this. I married the most wonderful, handsome, educated and caring norwegian man. They are extremely thin on the ground in the Uk, especially the ‘non arrogant’variety.
I never thought I would leave a good job, excellent sociallife, unbeatable school for my daughter to share a life with this amazing man.
He has always been this man, however was most definitely not appreciated or respected by his norwegian ex.
He has lived in the Uk and seen the world, without this I feel we would not be the ‘perfect mix’ we are.
Three years in and happier than ever…..
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from L-Jay:
I think the world’s best kept secret are Norwegian men…lol.
“Best kept secret is Norwegian men?”
Could someone please tell that to Norwegian women? lol
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from L-Jay:
I do find it extremely interesting that Norwegian women are really fond of Southern Europeans and South Americans. I guess it’s the tanned skin and beach bodies? I hear a lot of talk about it – jokingly, of course – in social situations.
But I know in Australia, Norwegian men would go down ‘like a flock of seagulls to a hot chip’! lol. Compared to Aussie men, Norwegian men are well educated, well paid and well domesticated. Norwegian men seem to mature early (there are so many guys in Oz in their thirties who are still into the ‘pimping their car’ stage). lol. I also find that Norwegian men are more into culture and the arts and aren’t as obsessive with football as much as Aussies are. And Norwegian men are well travelled too. I’ve never seen so many men take their babies out for a walk in the pram as in Norway!
I honestly think that a Norwegian is the better side of an Australian.
Apparently there is an exhibition on Thai brides in the Perspectivet museum atm.
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From L-Jay:
lol – in Tromsø! Brought to Norway and now on display – they have upgraded from import brides to ‘trophy wives’!
But Thai girls are so lovely – very gentle and sweet. I miss real Thai food too!!! There is a strong Thai community in Harstad and when there is the International Culture show at the Harstad Kulturhus the girls get together and put on a Thai dance performance. Love the costumes!
Interesting post. What part of Australia are you from? I’m in Sydney and see a lot of ‘mixed marriages’ between Asian and Anglo races here
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from L-Jay:
My family is from Brisbane. There are generally a good amount of second generation mixed marriages in Oz but not as many where one or both have to speak a second language to communicate. A quarter of people in Norway were not born in Norway so it is common in Norway for mixed couples to have a ‘common language’ other than Norwegian – the official language. For example, Moose, to communicate with me, has to speak a second language – English (his first being Norwegian). In Australia everyone in mixed marriages basically speaks the official language of Australia (English). Australians don’t really have relationships with people who don’t speak English, but it is common for Norwegians to have relationships with people who don’t speak Norwegian.
L-Jay,
I wanted to send you a link to a blogging friend of mine’s post. Her mother was born and raised in Tromso, Norway. She met a traveling preacher from America. Sonja shares a 3 part story of their life and I thought of you immediately.
If you have time and interest, here’s the link:
http://bitsandpieces-sonja.blogspot.com/2010/02/their-storyfinal-chapter.html.
Blessings,
Debbie
During my last trip (2 years ago) I noticed this attitude. I spoke with two men in their late 40′s and both were fond of Thailand and Russia.
Both had/have relationships with women from Thailand and Russia. Anyway I don’t see anything strange because also here in Italy we have the same problem.
Russian women are also popular here in recent time as well as women from Ukraine and baltic states. (15 years ago women from Brazil, Cuba were top choice)
Interesting post! I come from the Philippines and it is sad that we “Asian brides” are labelled as “subservient, uneducated” etc.
I chose a “white guy” because building a family, taking care of the kids and doing some housework is normal not like the “macho mentality” back home. “Subservient” is not the adjective my husband describes me. Even his friends told me on the first meeting that “I was not different” His mother told a friend that her son and I have similar upbringing.
As for us “uneducated”.. Hmm, I am a member of a Filipino organization here in Telemark and the women I know are working as nurses, occupational therapists, medical therapists, accountants, teachers, engineers etc. in Norway.
I can not understand it either that we are “lower class” than asylum seekers. On what grounds? We are educated, hardworking, adaptable, sociable people. I know some people who work way below their qualification just so they can send a relative to university. But “free loaders” we are not. Norwegian society may see us working as cleaners, housekeepers or caregivers(as temporary jobs) but we do not sit on our butt living off on social welfare.
And yes, you are correct: Norwegian men are a best kept secret. I married an amazing man. He is educated, funny, gentle, goodlooking and young..So there breaks the stereotype again:)
I like this topic.being import bride.im from Japan and i never have idea of norwegian man.but I wish I can meet a Norwegian guy in the future.
hahaa you will….ive met one…..but i hvent give him any answers yet…..this is because he is not my type but ive fallen for him anyway sigh
Many Russian women admit that the reason why they take western men are:
1. to uppgrade their standard, normally they are from very poor families, and they hardly have something to eat,
2. it is also for the reason that they think that they upgrade their social status among themselves russians because having a western man for a russian woman is like changing from a rusty russian car which is 30-40 years of model to Mercedes or ferrari of latest model.
Many russian women are professioannals in this sense and also when they put an advertisement their age limit is like up to 80 years old, actually the older the better then they inherit everything in few years and live a normal life with a young lover.
well done guys!!!i enjoyed reading all the comments…but anyway,i had a bf who born and raised in noway,but he’s parents are both asians…and i lived in norway for 2 and a half yrs,and i was planning to go back there again…of course,as asian,its not easy to live in a country that you cant speak their language,but the thing is that,wether you are married to a norwegian guy or not,and you enjoyed it…meaning,you love norway…
Interesting.. I have just lost my GF who fell for someone “Otto Walles – Waales Transport Co., Skien, Norway, in the social networking “Facebook”. He promised to marry her and offer her a ticket to holiday in NOrway. Obviously, when she was there, she was a prison in his home due to heavy snow and bad winter weather for 2 weeks. She was his sex partner for 2 weeks. I never expect such incident to happen to her with a Norwegian man. He tried to get her to marry him by asking her to go back to Norway. Is this the way Norwegian Men conduct their lives knowing that the law is on their side??? I am devasted..
i want to marry a Norwegian man.. know why? most of them are sweet.. family oriented like Filipino..
i’m a filipino man who visited norway. having heard many things about norway from peace-loving to norwegian men snatching our filipino women, i was curious about norway. so i visited norway. i stayed in one of the larger cities, outside of oslo. i found something interesting: 1. of all the filipinos that i met, i was the only filipino man around. because the rest are filipina brides. this was a little disconcerting because the ladies that i met were either wives or ex-wives of norwegian men. certainly its a little uneasy because it’s uncommon if rare of a filipino man coming to norway on his own accord (nope…no…norwegian lady tried to import me! well, haven’t really met a single norwegian lady yet) as a tourist and not sponsored by a relative to visit. 2. i did not see another filipino man in my tour, even in oslo. 3. i can see easily that in the marriage dynamics …it’s the men who holds the power. eventhough, filipina women would claim they are educated and not subservient, in the eyes of the norwegian men and norwegian women, asians in general are subservient because of the strong traditional values in their home, even in the philippines. 4.it fits. for some reason…these arrangements seemed to fit. the men are looking for company, love, sex, etc.- the women are looking for financial support, job, family, upgrade of status…etc. although, i feel sad for some women who did jump into the marriage and had no clue what their getting into that ended up in divorce and realize that norway is actually not any better than philippines in many different ways…where you go there’s always problems and there’s always happiness…depending on the person.
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from L-Jay:
That is very interesting. In fact, I can’t recall meeting any Asian men in Norway yet. I met an Asian chap once but he was British. I must admit that I like meeting up with Asians in Norway as we have so much in common and they bring me a little piece of home. One of my best friends is Chinese-Papua New Guinean and my uncle is Japanese to. I used to live in an Asian community in Melbourne and miss the REAL food so much. I would love more Asians to come to Norway!
Very interesting post…I do agree with Drew….I’m from the Philippines and has a Norwegian boyfriend. Subservient and uneducated are too much of a generalization. Not all Asian brides marry Norwegian men “because they want to up-grade their lifestyle and also use it as a means to support their family”, what if it’s for love itself. I’ve known through the years Norwegians being egalitarians and hope this is not so good to be true that they discriminate or underestimate Asian brides’ noble reason why they marry. Yes, Asian brides are gentle, caring and loving because this is mostly how they are nurtured in a great sense of family and Christianity. I hope the Norwegian community will try to accept this inter-marriages in the long run and create a welcoming atmosphere and see the positive side of it. Norwegians are considered to be peace loving people, and surely there is harmony in diversity. I don’t discount as well, that its never easy for an Asian bride, especially a Filipina to leave her family, friends, community and career for the sake of love and to be with her man.
Hello, interesting article. I am Brazilian and a trip to Rio de Janeiro, I saw many Norwegian men work and spend Christmas far from their homes. I found them very interesting! I work, study and have a good standard of living and certainly I would be lucky enough to marry a Norwegian honest and hardworking. Naturally, the “Bride of import” in the sense of exploration is very bad, but I think this is everywhere.
im from iran.i want make lovely life with norwegain men. i read all about norwegian men this page. so i found very intersting.i wish be happy with his.i will viste his in july. now i have call and chat with him.i first iran women make lovely with norwegian me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
huh. i live in norway and see these mail order bride situations everywhere. i am from the us and am married to a norwegian and he is not domineering. also, i find that these asian women are actually the domineering part in the relationship! these women marry a norwegian man, and never have to work again. they import their family here and the poor norwegian man, who, i might add, is usually much much older than his asian wife, must support her entire family. this isn’t always the case, of course. but i have yet to see such a couple where the man is wearing the pants! many refuse to learn norwegian and bark orders at the poor norwegian man. i see it all the time.
Please people, these are individuals… leave them alone! If you want to marry a woman from moon.. so be it.
Now.. this should not involve government regulation, health and safety, social reforms, feminist movement… only two adults doing what ever they want to do in their life… I wish them all good luck!
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from L-Jay:
It is only good luck if the women marry and have a loving, good marriage. There has been much talk in the media, and with a documentary from immigrant women in Norway, that a good amount of third world immigrant women marry without even knowing their husband first, doing it for the money or the hope of a better life, and then find themselves repressed and dominated to the extent that they are considered first world slaves. This is what the post is really commenting on. I don’t think we should just wish these women luck and them leave them alone. As prevention is better than cure, I think it is important to allow immigrants to know that even though Norway is considered the ‘best country in the world to live in’ it doesn’t mean that every Norwegian man who imports a bride is the best type of man in the world.
I’d be curious to know what or better yet take a demographic of the beliefs of the Norwegians married to foreingers or even better yet Norwegians married to cauasian foreigners as I think that could yield different results. I personally know at least 2 Norwegians (including my spouse) who married a foreigner because they were seeking more conservative values that was very hard to find in Norway. I have also heard/read quite a few 2nd person accounts of other similiar situations. The amount of Norwegians who won’t have many partners (by that I mean 5 or more) before getting married is apparently quite slim and for some of the more reserved/conservative Norwegians this is unacceptable so they are forced to look to foreign countries for caucasian partners that have more strict/restrained life styles when it comes to sexuality and live in partnerships.
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from L-Jay:
I’ve heard that Norwegian men think that Norwegian women are too high maintenance. This is true – Norwegian women do expect a lot from their men. But I’ve also heard that it is those men who cannot live up to Norwegian women’s expectations who are the ones who look to women from other countries with lower maintenance. (Australians are not high maintenance compared to Norwegian women….lol.)
Interesting L-Jay. Can you tell me what they mean by “maintenance”? As I’ve found most Norwegian relationships/marriages to be quite lacking in what I myself would consider the “maintenance” department. By that I mean I know of husbands who are frequently absent on important dates or occations, for example their 25th wedding anniversary to go on a vacation with male friends, etc. If you did this to an American woman she’d have your jewels in a jar over the mantle piece lol.
What is it that the Norwegian females require?
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from L-Jay:
Well, we are talking about single or unmarried Norwegian women here. First off, a Norwegian woman requires her man to earn a lot of money. I had a friend who actually confessed on a national TV program that she would not want to marry someone who earnt less than her (she was a lawyer). The next is status. I am amazed at how status is so important in Norway. Who your family is, what area you live in, what dialect you speak, is part of the accept or reject process of Norwegian women. BMWs or Audis are a must, a hytte, and yearly vacations in southern Europe. Norwegian women spend a lot on their hair, new styles every six weeks – hair dresser appointments are crazy expensive. But most of it is about being trendy – their man has to eat sushi, be tanned, have a cut body, be athletic and wear armani. You always have to fit around her schedule. You have to put in a lot of effort to attract a Norwegian woman. It is very hard to date a Norwegian woman if you have no money. And if you are too dependent on her they run for the hills. They like their men to be very independent so she can have her ‘me’ time.
This seems to be the trend of the younger Norwegian girls. The single older ones still want the big lifestyle and money – but they don’t need a man to get it. (Of course these are stereo types – stereo types with a ground of truth.) I get most of my impressions from the reactions of Norwegian men about Norwegian women. A lot of Norwegian men I know certainly think Norwegian women are high maintenance.
Norwegian men are caring and honest. I am dating one, and cannot regret.
What about african women? many african women are married to norwegian men and they are also abused by their husbands this article only says asian and russian women that is not fair.
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from L-Jay:
The post was based on a documentary that focused on immigration from countries with the highest ratio of import brides. There is not as many import brides from Africa as Thailand and Russia. This does not mean that African import brides do not face the same problems as other import brides, there are just less of them.
I am an imported one – from East Europe (Romania), not in Norway but in Sweden. I stayed with my sambo 7 years from which in the last three he didn’t even noticed that there is a woman in the bed. Only in the kitchen, cooking, washing or doing his administrative jobs that he stopped doing since she was there for that. No respect, no friendship, no love, no marriage, no children, i was in the same point as 7 years ago. So this spring, after a school trip in Africa, i broke up and i answered with love to real love and married a wonderful African man. What do you think my ex did? Imports the second one, this time from Russia. This woman was willing to pay two years ago 10000 Euros for a marriage.of convenience .. Now she even doesn’t pay the money, because he wants to marry her just because i married my Ali.
How long she’ll stay with him until she’ll import the b.friend… THIS IS THE QUESTION.
My parents are both first generation Norwegian Americans, and I am 100% of Norwegian descent. American culture is crumbling around us, and I’m thinking of ‘returning’ to Norway. I’m wondering if Norway would see our small family as foreigners, even though we still have relatives there (whom we rarely are in touch with). Sorry of this is off topic, but I haven’t found another site for such a question.
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from L-Jay:
I won’t lie – Norwegians love taking the mickey out of Norwegian-Americans because they seem them as try-hard Norwegians and that they don’t get the Norwegian culture at all. There is a show here called Alt for Norge where they get Americans to do crazy stereotypical Norwegian things (like eating sheep head) just to have a laugh. I’m sure you will be seen as a foreigner especially if you don’t speak the language and are too ‘Americanised’. But only being one generation removed will give you more credit. Just don’t be American when you live here otherwise you will find Norway hard. Norway expects every immigrant to leave their culture at the border. Those people who can blend don’t have a harder time of it in Norway.
Ah…yes. Now I see where my brothers get their psycho behavior. It’s their Norwegian nature!
All kidding aside… Thanks for the reply.
Mette
Very nice website, how do I do to follow it?
About your post, I found it very interesting but as someone recently married to a Norwegian man, I would like to ask you: what is a good catch for a Norwegian woman? Since they are mostly not interested in having female immigrant friends, I haven`t had the chance to ask them… Lol
I guess to be a good “catch” can vary a lot from country to country, but so far I have heard that to be a good catch here is to have a completly perfect life, with nothing missing: perfect family, good job, good appearance, good appartment, many friends etc etc so perhaps the Norwegian women are way too much demanding and in consequence of that make the men insecure and with low self stime? Did I understand wrongly this culture or something I said make any sense?
And although it might be true the most men bring an “import bride” to the countryside where they live but if you look around Oslo, it`s full of international couples, so I think you cannot generalize the men who want to marry foreigners as “farm men”
Tusen takk
Im Jen, indonesian. Im meet norway guys, he looks good, sexy of me, well educated and kind of me. He interested of me too. He want to marry with me eager n eager… many reason, becouse im nice girl of him, looks sexxy, he want mix a baby (becouse mix race is beautiful baby), he wana be a father, he need indonesian wifes…. he said lot of mix couples at oslo. after read this article, i have big QUETIONS? is he really want me as a good intention? or just want exploitation his wife… huuuhh. awful… if im living at norway, can i get good working? or just behind the kitchen…bizareeee….
Thanx for this article
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from L-Jay:
You have to learn Norwegian if you want to get good work. Make sure that your Norwegian man understands your independence and that you intend to create a life for yourself in Norway that includes a career, your own friends and your own social life. In situations like this where you have to take a ‘leap of faith’ you can still throw down a mattress for yourself before you jump.
As another Aussie in Norway I really need to start following your blog! My partner is from up in Harstad and I know two of his male relatives with Asian girlfriends (Phillipa & Chinese), it was a bit of an odd situation when we all met, I was told that the Chinese girl spoke Norwegian after 6 months so I should too… 4 months in and I will speak it when I feel like it thanks
I spent an evening up in Tromso and it was quite nice, nice night scene by comparison to Harstad, but now I am down in Oslo, there are heaps of immigrants, which is awesome for me! I’ve met a lot of Phillipa girls and 1 Vietnamese man. I am yet to meet an import bride but holy f*!k they must have it hard. I’ve had a fairly easy time at being an immigrant, getting people to speak English to me has not been a problem most of the times and the occasions it has been, we’ve spoken in Norglish and hand gestures.
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from L-Jay:
I lived in Harstad for a year. If you don’t have anything to do there it is very hard to live there. We moved there because I had work (I was the scenemester for the kulturhuset) and Moose eventually found a half decent job.
You know what, I’m starting to think that Aussies have a harder time than most learning languages. Firstly, Aussies twist their English sounds and that makes it harder for us to say the Norwegian sounds correctly (particularly o and u). I also have the Australian ‘ah’ curse – saying it at the end of words that end with ‘er’, such as dancah instead of dancer. So you can guess my problems when I say danser. (And my dance kids always correct me on their names…lol, lovingly though.)
But yes, you are right – you should learn Norwegian in your own time. Me, I’ve been here five years and I’m just starting to get the hang of the language. If I was pushed into it, I would have not enjoyed learning it at all.
Nice conversation here, How long do you need to studying norwegian-language?after you studying their language what will happen?how do you found a good job their after learning norwegian languages?do need to take a course to get a good job?just very interesting ;P:PHope someone will answer me;-)salamat:P
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from L-Jay:
You need a degree (even a Masters) to get a good job and you also need to speak Norwegian. There are some people who get lucky but most immigrants have to work lowly jobs just to get by.
I am from the United States and I have been in Norway off and on for approximately 4 years now. While in general , the people of Norway seem to be peace-loving people. The sense of romantic nationalism sometimes borders on what would appear to be racist ideology, however I believe the more appropriate term would be ethnocentric. While ‘Janteloven’ is the politically-correct speak of the day, In my experience all ‘others’ are viewed through a lense of judgement based on Norwegian cultural standards. I have lost count of the numerous times that I have heard the statement, ”…but we don’t do it like that in Norway”. (Feel free to add any subject matter to the beginning of the sentence.) Now, if we take this and add it to an immigrant wife’s struggles and acclamation to a new culture, it can be a very stressful mix. I’ve spoken with women from Asia, Africa, North America, and Australia with the majority of them married to or engaged to a Norwegian. All of these women are educated with at least one to two university degrees prior to immigrating to Norway. Most of the women were also well-traveled and came from multi-cultural environments. In in-depth discussions, the consensus is that there is an unstated rejection of that which is different or contrary to the Norwegian norm. On a personal note, I would like to hear from any Americans married to a Norwegian. Do you find that Norwegians are particularly antagonistic to Americans in general?
I am married to a Norwegian man for almost 10 years. He’s actually submissive than me. He like to do the grocery shopping, take our kid to school, help with home work and cooking. Sometimes i feel like am not a woman enough, cause he likes to do all the work. Anyway maybe cause am from a diplomatic family that why he treats me like this, even though sometime i wonder if i was from a lower class family, maybe he would treat me differently? Sorry am not good at English.
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from L-Jay:
I think many women would love to have a man like that!
. But I have also found that Norwegian men do have more investment in their children. They are usually the ones I see wheeling the pram when the family are out together.
Very interesting post. It made me think through the possibility of moving out to Norway or not. I have been dating my Norwegian boyfriend who I met while we were working in Asia since last year and he decided to go back to Norway. I was invited to move there as well, but I am having a really hard time to decide. I have a PhD and if I return to my home country I can get a decent job. I cannot speak Norwegian although I am fluent in 4 languages I am afraid of wasting all what I have invested in career and education by moving there. Do you think that by being a foreigner and a woman my chances to develop a career are very limited there?
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from L-Jay:
Being a woman and having a PhD is very attractive to Norwegian employers. Getting a job depends on your field of expertise. A PhD in fashion wouldn’t go far but if it is in engineering the sky is the limit. What would be best for you to choose is the type of life/lifestyle you would want to have. Norway has a very different life to most western countries.
This article has been very informative for me.
I find it hard to find info on the day to day mundane life of foreigners living in Norway esp the rural ares. It’s hard to get aview on what good and bad things there are for a foreigner. The general feeling i get is you need a degree etc for a job. Bit scary for a young 22 year old like me with no degree, considering career change…I don’t want to marry my bf and end up dependant on him – i want to eventually stand on my own feet. City living already seems hard for Asians like me who are used to city life my entire life…and he lives in a rural county sigh. Still good to know the difficulties faced though. We were talking about how folks would see me as an import bride and him desperate,though he could have a Norwegian partner no problems – why wait 5 years for me? 
twentytwo Yo is too young for married. I suggest you to explore the world up grade your education and bulid your career.
Well I dont kno much about Norwegian men. But there was one who was very sweet to me, and we were on the bed kissing and caressing and he complimented me a lot and held me through the night. He said it was his dream to sleep with an asian girl. We didn’t have sex actually, I had my period. He fell asleep at some p
point. In the morning his friend called him and he said he’d be there soon. Apart frOm answering what the time was, he got dressed and then completely ignored me, for no apparent reason. He was so nice and then so cold.
“South-east Asian woman marry Norwegian men because they want to up-grade their lifestyle and also use it as a means to support their family in Thailand…” I think you generalized all south-east asian and norwegian marriages. It doesnt mean that a south east asian girl marries a norwegian man purely to up-grade it self…maybe some are uneducated and maybe not economically stable but not ALL. I have finished my education and had a good job outside abroad and just happened that i fell in love with norwegian man and ended up quieting my job. SO not all mixed marriages is for the sake of financial stability of the bride’s family…it so discriminating…not all people or not all women in south east asian countries are poor and uneducated. Just like any other women in the world we can love and live where ever we want to be…
According to my husband ..he love me and preferred to be with me because of my values in life. Statistically asian marriages have far less divorced compared to both norwegian marriages or norwegian with latinas wives. We south east asian traditionaly are family oriented …more loving and gentle. So dont judge that it is for the SOCIAL or ECONOMIC STATUS why we married with norwegian man.
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from L-Jay:
Generalizing? – you are saying: ‘We south east asian traditionaly are family oriented …more loving and gentle.’ You are accusing of generalizing (which is never bad because who wants to be singled out?) and then you go and…
Hi L-Jay! Hvor er du?
This is my case.
We met 3 times in Indonesia for these 2 years.
- I am a 27 y.o Indonesisk mann applying for Fiance Permit with a 69 y.o Norsk mann. – He is a pension but never had any social benefits from NAV
- He earns about 235,000 NOK/year and own a home.
- He sponsored my Schengen visa and granted so I meet him once in Tromsø
- I had only vocational high school certificate as my latest education.
He said that some Norwegian older than him marries young Asian and it is
discrimination if UDI reject the application when only based by his age and salary. I applied on October 2011 and the embassy accepted all documents. The status for application last week in Application Portal was “Submitted / Innsendt”. Yesterday I check again and its “You have no ongoing applications / Du har ingen pågående søknader”. I see my application is on archive.
Do you think its possible for me to get the permit?
Tusen takk for veldig god website! Best wishes to you, Moose og kids
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from L-Jay:
There doesn’t sound like there would be a problem – your fiancé seems to fit all the living and financial requirements. There is a long waiting list and it keeps growing. Some people have to wait up to three years before they get an answer from UDI. As long as you have provided the correct information and do everything by the book your application should go through the normal process. In time you will likely be called into the Norwegian embassy for an interview about your relationship. We all go through this. It is to judge whether your relationship is legitimate. Then every year you will have to be reinterviewed by authorities. I had to do it too until I got my settlement permit.
So now you just have to wait but if I was you I would check the process of your application every month. Don’t be angry with them, be helpful and they will help you.
Good luck.
Tusen takk, L-Jay…Beklager meg for slow reply.
I called UDI yesterday and they said that the decision might be taken on next week. As I read somewhere in UDI web that Indonesia is in the 3rd group (case processing times about 9 months) and I think there’s change in UDI so it can be expected quicker. Honestly I am not sure to get the permit succesfully because of 42 years age gap between me and him.What do you think?
I don’t want to depend too much on him so I need to work even though its only a cleaner or barne hage assistant. I plan to continue my education once I pass the Norsk language test. But of course I will prioritize my marriage. That’s why I want to study in Tromso University so I don’t have to be so far away from him. Do you have any suggestion, L-Jay?
Thanks in advance and wish your family always in lovely moments.
Beste hilsen, Andy
So Im jus curious, do you think a Norwegian guy would be interested in a Hawaiian Lady? Im well educated, independent with a great job, travels extensively, and a lot of great qualities to list. I jus dont want to settle for a lazy local thats all!!!
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from L-Jay:
If you want to guarantee that a Norwegian man isn’t ‘lazy’ and who will provide a ‘good life’ choose one that has at least a Masters but has also a lot of work experience. Norwegians have easy access to Degrees but those with Masters have gone the extra mile and are aiming to get good income. But there are also a lot of ‘eternal students’ here – the ones who can’t get jobs so return back to uni and get more degrees (they may be educated but have no work capacity and therefore will likely only get administration or teaching jobs after years of education). That’s why you’d want them to have a ‘record’ of strong work experience. Then, once you have found the right crowd of Norwegian men, you can be ready to fall in love
.
Thank you so much L-Jay for knowledge and experience sharing.I got the permit on 18 April and will reise fra Indonesia til Norge i June.Hope to meet you and the family too