Having A Baby In Norway – The Breastfeeding-Childcare Paradox
Ink drawing of “Fangen Moder” by Einar Wullum, Trondheim, Norway (1901)
Everyone knows that breastfeeding is best for the baby. In the first weeks of breastfeeding important antibodies from the mother are transferred to the baby to give them a good start in life. Breastfeeding can also help mother lose those extra pounds she put on while pregnant. Unfortunately, living in a breastfeeding country such as Norway (where women breastfeed in cafes and at the shops openly), midwives don’t understand how a woman cannot breastfeed.
As mentioned in a previous post, this time around I had decided not to breastfeed from the get-go. I have had three babies already, each with the full intention of breastfeeding, but it never turned out:
- My first couldn’t latch on properly because of a set back jaw due to birth complications.
- With my second I had an epidural migraine for two weeks – (the anaesthetist was a beginner and pierced the fatty tissue around my spine twice! But third time lucky.)
- For my third, which was in Norway, I was very determined to breastfeed, however, it was very painful. I was encouraged to breast pump often to build up my milk supply. This was, of course, painful as well since I was now bleeding and my breasts couldn’t heal in time before each feed. I got so used to the breast pump pain that one time I didn’t realise I was pumping blood into the bottle rather than milk. Yikes! That was when I decided to bottle-feed. (Bottle-feeding took all the pressure away, Lilu was eating, and I could finally enjoy my days with my newborn.)
This time around (for my fourth) my midwife asked me about breastfeeding at my control check. I told her I can’t breastfeed and plan to bottle-feed. She raised her eyebrows and I knew she didn’t believe me. Then she made every effort to change my mind and booked me into the maternity clinic after birth for breastfeeding assistance. My heart sank. This is not what I wanted. This time I wanted to enjoy my newborn without all the trauma of breastfeeding.
Norwegians are very bad at presuming things. I guess the midwife just saw that I had always tried to breastfeed, so she thought I wanted to breastfeed but had just given up. Unfortunately these Norwegian ‘good intentions’ don’t listen to what you are actually saying. Deciding not to breastfeed was a decision – meaning thought, discussions with Moose, reflection and projection had all taken place before the decision was made. I left my control with dreaded anticipation of what was to come. The first two times I didn’t breastfeed was in Australia and I never had any pressure or felt like a failure. Then why in Norway…?
Just the other day Moose read a newspaper article about a Norwegian woman, Margrethe Vik, on a mission to make the choice of bottle-feeding available. It’s not that she was saying breastfeeding was bad – on the contrary, she was supporting breastfeeding wholeheartedly. But what she was saying was that in Norway the pressure to breastfeed is so intense that midwives do not help women who bottle-feed with information and guidance. Norwegian midwives need to accept that there are some women who can’t breastfeed or who choose not to breastfeed – and they shouldn’t be penalised for that. Margrethe’s argument is that the ‘choice’ of women should be valued and accepted, even if they choose to bottle-feed. This discovery was wonderful to me. I think mainly because a Norwegian had recognised the problem and was fighting to dissolve it. As there is no information (or very little) from health centres, maternity clinics or birthing websites about bottle-feeding in Norway, Margrethe has developed a not-for-profit website to share information about bottle-feeding as well as breastfeeding. The website is still new (and is in Norwegian) but if you’d like to get involved and support the cause they have a list of things that you can do. The website: www.flaskeposten.org
The Breastfeeding-Childcare Paradox
The Norwegian healthcare system is set on breastfeeding. It is generally thought that breastfeeding brings mother and baby closer. Mothers are expected to stay home with the baby for the first year and fathers are also granted a paternity leave from work so they can also have special time to bond with their baby. Then why is it so shocking in Norway for a Norwegian to hear that my ‘occupation’ is a stay-at-home mum?
Work and job description is always a topic at new pregnancy controls. Medical personnel need to fill out your chart with your details and discuss maternity leave etc. For my situation now, my usual response when asked what I do is: I’m an arts practitioner but currently I’m a ‘stay-at-home’ mum. A couple of times I have been asked ‘so you aren’t returning to work?’ No, I’m a stay-at-home mum. Norwegians are always confused by my answer. It seems like choosing to be a stay-at-home mum isn’t heard of in Norway – or at least not accepted as reasonable. In fact, it is generally accepted that Norwegians put their kids into full-time childcare by three years of age. It is also expected that both parents return to work after a year. In fact the government makes it financially hard on families who don’t put their kids into childcare for both parents to work full-time. If the Norwegian way is to put their kids into childcare so eagerly, what is all the big fuss about bonding through breastfeeding when they are so keen to give their child away?
My personal opinion is: I have had kids so I can experience the love and joy of raising them myself – why would you have kids in the first place if you are just going to pay for someone else to look after them? Now, of course I’m not saying that parents shouldn’t put their kids into childcare to work – but what I am saying is that we should have the freedom to choose – working parent or stay-at-home-parent.
I must admit I was a little shocked when a midwife at Lilu’s control check asked why she wasn’t going to childcare yet. (Lilu is only 18 months.) There are whispers in the wind as to why Norway has this point of view:
Some say it is because Norway has turned into a segregated society where family isn’t important. It is not custom any more for grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins to be prominent in Norwegian family units. Family units keep to themselves and are happy with distant family ties.
Some say that Norway is a socialist country which means the government wants to raise all children into adulthood. They can only do that by institutionalisation. If they make it hard for parents to live on one income then they may frustrate the ‘option’ for parents to stay at home to raise their own kids. Parents will have to put their kids into childcare and have them raised with government ideals.
Some say Norway is such a feminist country that staying at home to look after children is taking away the independence of women. Women have the right to work – and so they should! Staying at home is seen as oppression in Norway (it doesn’t matter if the woman has chosen to stay at home herself) and so the government and community puts pressure on women to get out in society and be liberated from ‘women’s work’. In fact, there is so much pressure it seems like women are better off being men. This pressure is mainly because Norway has a reputation to maintain. Being a leader in Europe for women’s rights can be tough work – they will make women ‘liberated’ even if they have to force them!
And some people say Norwegians are quick to put their kids in childcare so they can work to maintain their lifestyle. International holidays, mopeds for teenagers, all the latest ski equipment, hi-tech gadets, BMWs or Audis, holiday cabins, snowmobiles and the latest fashions are apparently all part of a ‘normal’ Norwegian life. Keeping up with the ‘Hanssens’ is running rampant in this country. I don’t understand how to live such a life.
This paradox between the importance of bonding with your child through breastfeeding and quickly giving your child up to the paid care of childcare centres makes it very hard to figure out what Norwegian values are. Being an immigrant I am meant to ‘assimilate’ into society but I’m not sure if I want this piece of the pie.
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Today herding reindeer is synonymous with the Sami culture. It is recently thought that the Vikings were the first people to herd reindeer.
Pølse is THE fast food of Norway. When the grilled pølse was first introduced to Norway in the 50s it was eaten naked – without bread.
Reindeer herding is more than just an occupation, it is a way of life and an integral part of the Sami culture and identity.
Many English words actually come from old Norse language – brought by Vikings to England in medieval times. Here are some words you have probably uttered without realising you are speaking Norwegian!
I think it just ended up that way. Women started to work, the goverment discovered how much more tax they were getting from a two-income family, and it just took off from there.
Weaning the goverment off tax-revenue is not an easy task. A large percentage/most women seem want a career in addition to children. They fear policies aimed at making it easier to be a stay-at-home parent because they see it as the thin end of the wedge, allowing employers to get out from the financial burden of workers taking a year off. (Advertising for and training replacements, etc).
As long as that is the case, strong interests of the goverment of the day, and the voting public lock step in the area. Which drives attitudes.
most saty-at-home parents I know are men. They seem to be less aftraid of being locked out of the workforce, and so mind it less.
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from L-Jay:
Interesting!
Being stay-at-home, I’ve been told (by three midwives now) that it is an immigrant thing. The last midwife said that not having someone at home makes it difficult for Norwegian families. She said if a child is sick and needs to stay in hospital Norwegians leave them there alone and go to work. However, immigrants stay with their children in hospital and if they can’t there is always another family member who can.
I think the maternity leave is about women recovering from birth. It is not about ‘bonding’ for the baby. This is because a baby doesn’t really care who is looking after it in its first year. The real bonding process for the child starts when the child can remember. However, by this time Norwegians send their children off to childcare. The childcare providers (which have a large percentage of immigrant workers) become the child’s teachers of life – how to eat, how to poop, how to play, how to sleep etc. And parents turn into part-time carers or ‘weekend parents’. This is one of the reasons Norwegian families aren’t seen as close as immigrant families – the State raises Norwegians but family raises immigrants.
Just want to say that I have a cronical ill child and spent some time in the hospital, and the only time I’ve seen a child (under 10yrs) being left alone in the hospital for more than the time it takes to eat a meal, take a shower or pay more to park the car, it was an imigrant family who did that. They left their 5-6yr old doughter alone from 5 in the evening till 3 in the afternoon the next day. The poor child had to sleep alone fasting waiting for surgry, having nightmares about it, went through sergery and woke up from surgery all alone.
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from L-Jay:
What did you do?
I won’t pretend I know what the majority of Norwegians think about childcare, but I have to say my experience was like yours, L-Jay. When I met Andreas’ extended family and was asked by each and every person what I do, I couldn’t help but feel like my answer “I’m a mum” was somehow not good enough. A few times it was even followed by, “Yes, but what do you do for work or study?” :/
I also have noticed big differences between his family and mine. For example – when I flew to Norway with my then 2yr old, Azalia, my parents were worried about how I would cope, so my dad flew with me all the way to London and returned home the next day, just to make sure it went smoothly. When we arrived home from Norway, my parents were waiting with the video camera out and tears in their eyes, etc.
When Andreas leaves/arrives over there, he takes the train alone to/from the airport. That’s just one example, but I’ve found the lack of emotion really hard to deal with, since it flows all too freely on my end
However, I realise this isn’t necessarily all due to cultural differences, and I definitely am proned to reading into things where I shouldn’t. It’s been really helpful reading your articles! 
I stumbled across this post while doing research for a book that I am writing on breastfeeding pressure/bottlefeeding guilt. I would love to speak with you more about your experiences in Norway and any information you may have on the “backlash” against the intense pressure to breastfeed exclusively there. Please email me if you’d be willing to chat! Thanks so much.
This article really hits home for me as both my Norwegian wife and I myself have very negative feelings towards Norwegian culture on several topics you mentioned in this excellent post. Samanthas post also hit very close to home for me and my wife as well.
As negative as it sounds I feel its important to be truthful and honest and just come out and say that I think Norwegians are too shallow and too self centered to love family/children in the way that the British and their cousins the Aussies and ‘mericans are used too. It would be a completely different story if Norwegians were this overworked, super fast paced society with little to no paid vacation time/ etc. Norwegians have as about as much leisure time as can be expected in an industrialized society yet how much of that time do they actually devote to their children or family? Practically none compared to my culture in the SE US.
My father in law never once saw my wife play handball in her entire life and she was quite an accomplished handball player. Why not? Because “I don’t like handball it’s boring”. All I could think was “you could have actually gone to support her or just show interest in her interests instead of always considering what’s in it for you ya lazy viking trash”. Norwegians very rarely participate in their children’s lives. Don’t expect to even see 1 spectator for every child in a soccer match or a school play in Norway, much less 2 or 3 per child like you would in the U.S. When a Norwegian child turns 14-15 years old expect to see their parent give them some birth control in 1 hand and possibly a beer in the other and shove them out the door just to get them out of their hair.
Because Norway tends to donate alot of money PER CAPITA to some international humanitarian organizations they are often mistakenly thought to be a caring, warm and humanitarian or concerned people and it’s often falsely assumed that because they have extended maternity leave/etc that they are a family focused culture. Nothing could be further from the truth. Being a POLITICAL humanitarian is important to a Norwegian because they think it makes them look enlightened/intelligent and sophisticated. Giving up their seat for an old lady on the bus or helping a pregnant lady load a heavy bag of groceries or just plain putting effort into your child’s rearing does not earn you any plaques, notoriety or pats on the back for being a concerned “enlightened” intellectual so guess what you will probably never see happen in your lifetime in Norway? A Norwegian showing a stranger any consideration or chivalry or courtesy or investing any notable time in their children.
Caring about others in a human to human way, putting your heart and soul into your children and family are all considered to be the fundamentals of “good character” in British influenced society and it simply does not exist at least not to any remotely comparable levels in Scandinavian culture.
DISCLAIMER: Note I am not saying all Norwegians are this way, just that it is a very large (majority even) and noticeable trend in their current society and as you can tell I am completely disgusted by it. Maybe it’s more personal to me because my wife has been so offended and affected by it personally in her life.
I read your article with a lot of interest. I have been living in Norway for five years and my youngest two were born here (the older three were born in the UK). I have to say that I have always wondered why be encouraged to breastfeed and focus on the mother-child bond, but then at 12 months put your child into full-time childcare? Or why encourage mothers to use dummies which if the mother is prepared to feed the child on demand? I was encouraged to wean my fourth child when he was 10 months old in case he wasn’t receiving enough nutrition. Since he was my fourth I politely nodded and ignored the advice. He self-weaned at 16 months! My fifth is now feeding at 2 years and that raises some eye-brows, I can tell you. I wouldn’t have expected it here.
I have also been a SAHM and my third child was actually at home until he was 3. I lost count of the number of times people asked why he wasn’t in nursery. As it stood, he wasn’t offered a place but still, I didn’t like the way in which I was judged, ie, childcare is better for children than being at home. How this can be possible with so many poor nurseries and untrained staff I do not know. That said, the communities have very little to offer children who are at home passed the age of one.
I believe that the reason for this paradox is the quest for equality so I kind of agree with your feminism argument. Sadly for the children, equality is judged in terms of the economy but in a society where everything costs so much, and with few opportunities to take short cuts, eg, charity shops, ebay, it is hardly surprising that other values take second place. I also think the socialist model of one size fits all has much to do with it.
There is also a strong notion of freedom. Parenting really falls back from about the age of 8 with children walking to and from school, taking themselves to activities, being home alone. We have immense trouble with this because we prefer to play a bigger role in the children’s lives for longer. It is not easy being the square peg! It does vary a lot, though, but for every parent who wants to be there with their children, there is one who argues that you are restricting your kids. I do think it makes the parents lives easier to have the latter attitude, but I would be reluctant to argue that that was the whole story.
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from L-Jay:
I wrote this post two years ago and I don’t think things have changed. Mainly because of pressure from the two year state medical check up (that happened at 2 1/2 years), we put Lilu in childcare when she just turned three. She has been there for six months now and I must say that I have learnt a lot about Norway and Norwegian culture because of it. At three years old Luli can write letters and numbers, play dominoes and draw cars and full-bodied people (as opposed to stick figures). She is way above the Norwegian standard of the school preparatory program at barnehager. The reason she is different is certainly NOT because of barnehage but because both Moose and I believe that parents should be the main teachers in a child’s life. We draw together, write together and play together at home. Her home life has put her years ahead in learning than everyone else. Norwegians don’t participate in their children’s education. This is why a third of Norwegian school children fail high school. (Shocking I know, but I have been researching this hidden problem for a little while now to put into an tell-all post. So stay turned and be gobsmacked by the terrible state of Norwegian education
)
You might want to take look at the PISA results, though I am not keen on comparative statistics as a rule. Norway doesn’t do so badly compared to many countries, but Norway is not like most countries either. I think it is better to compare it with somewhere like Finland, and then the contrast is stark. Anyway, I look forward to reading what you have to say.
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from L-Jay:
Yes, OECDs position on the Norwegian Education System has been part of my research for an up-and-coming post on the subject. It is hard not to get fired up about such posts but I’m trying to write up an ‘informational review’ that will likely create discussion and shed some light for those who are not aware of what is happening in education in Norway.
‘Norwegian Woman’ your comment has been removed. We do not approve profanity on this blog. Next time you will be banned.
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breast feeding is a human rights issue. Every Child has the absolute right to its mothers milk. choices around Breast feeding bottle feeding are NOT the same as corn flakes coco pops. in the event that BF becomes a luxury option for those who are so inclined, then the space for government coersion and manipulation is enlarged. Breast feeding as a human rights issue also casts a serious shadow across the trade in international surogate mothering. Let’s face it 1st world women may be more cost effective in the workforce and 3rd world women more cost effective in procreation. just be careful what you wish for.
cross species mother’s milk is by far a second rate option. Besides what sets your child apart form an one in an orphanage? The love & attachment that breastfeeding feeding bestows.
Kind regards
an Australian Midwife
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from L-Jay:
This is about freedom to choose. Breastfeeding or bottle feeding is a choice for women by those who are lucky enough to have a choice. In this issue it is always the non-breastfeeders that have to defend and validate their love and care for their children to the vocal pro-breastfeeders who accuse and blame. No woman has any right, even a midwife, to accuse a mother of loving her child less because she doesn’t breastfeed. You should not use guilt/blame to destroy a mother’s confidence in the love she has for her child. This is how the pro-breastfeeders subtext their argument.
I didn’t breastfeed any of my four children and that never has mattered. You cannot tell the difference between my children and breastfed children in health, happiness or being loved. This matter can so easily create discrimination fueled by pro-breastfeeders ideology and snobbery. I have already heard the line ‘Gee, that guy can get so moody. I bet he wasn’t breastfed.’
If you have read the recently discovered problems of the breastfeeding research, you will know it has been found that breastfeeding has little health impact on a child as opposed to formula. But it is the social contact and environment of women feeding babies that makes an impact on intelligence, etc.
This is a Daily News article that explains it better – the article is over two pages:
http://articles.nydailynews.com/2011-05-26/news/29602440_1_breast-feeding-national-breastfeeding-awareness-campaign-bottle-fed