A Social Norwegian
Even though ‘hello’ is probably the most used word in any language you will probably not need to use it much in Norway. This is because Norwegians have an asocial society. If you are standing at the check-out, sitting at the bus stop or passing the neighbour, you can be guaranteed a non-conversational experience. Norwegians just don’t talk to each other. They could sit next to you for an hour to catch the same bus and not even look your way.
This always seems to be a topic of conversation in my Norwegian language class. It is one of the characteristics of Norwegian society that immigrants find hard to comprehend. But I think an ‘adaptation’ of a Saul Bellow quote will help you understand: “It’s not that you’re so asocial, but a man who needs people doesn’t wind up in the Arctic” (Italics added). I’m starting to learn that it’s not that Norwegians don’t want to talk, it’s that they don’t need to talk.
However, get a Norwegian out in the wilderness and you will experience a much warmer phenomenon. If you pass a Norwegian on a walking track you will be greeted like an old family friend. It is not only considered polite to exchange hellos half way up a mountain but considered bad manners if you don’t. There must be something about mountains that makes a Norwegian gregarious. (Or maybe it’s just the moonshine?) Who knows – but I think the Norwegian character is fascinating and worthy of a paranormal study.
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The further ‘out of the way’ you go the more common it is to see folk cottages standing by the side of roads, along fjords or in a thicket of trees, minding their own business. 
There is an opposition in everything. At the darkest time of the year, we celebrate Christmas. And at the exact opposite end, when the midnight sun is at its highest, we celebrate Midsummer.
How Norway became a country is shrouded in mystery and folklore. The most well known tale is of Harald Hårfagre who gathered the small kingdoms of the north into a unified nation in 872AD – and of course, this story is about love.
Reindeer herding is more than just an occupation, it is a way of life and an integral part of the Sami culture and identity.
The bunad is a traditional Norwegian costume worn by both men and women. It can either come from established rural traditions or have a more modern design inspired by historical patterns and cuts.
Bwahahaha Isn’t that just so true! Lovely blog – I enjoy your posts.
Is this the land that time forgot, and the people of the forest? I used to be fascinated by the far east, the way they talk, walk, bow, eat, sleep etc., just about everything, until my accumulated knowledge let me to realization that they are simply slaves to their own customs and traditions. Their minds molded and engraved with “the only way” of life. The same I see with Norks. Do they realize they behave like programmed automatons? But don’t be mad Nordsmen, the world is just a circus, and you happened to be clowns.
Being called the clown of the circus is a great compliment. Norwegians value the loveable-fool, so I guess it suits them just fine to be the fun and life of the show.
Norways favourite folktale hero is Askeladden. Everyone thinks he is an idiot, and treat him so, but at the end of the day he always comes out on top.
In modern tales he is portrayed as a ‘free-thinker’, a visionary and innovator, a nonconformist who is capable of deep abstract, analytical thinking “outside the box”, or who can create a scientific “paradigm shift”. (I somehow don’t think a people would have such a hero if they are stuck in ‘tradition and custom’.)
However, even clowns have their moment in the spotlight next to the Ringmasters and Lion Tamers (- and most often are more loved).
Thanks for the comment
People that talk to strangers on the street (uninvited) are drunk, lunatics or perhaps both
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from L-Jay:
That is such a Norwegian sense of humour – love it!
“I’m starting to learn that it’s not that Norwegians don’t want to talk, it’s that they don’t need to talk”
I think this tendency springs from the same source as our (much deserved) reputation for being reserved and difficult to get to know.
The short explanation for this I think is that very few Norwegians will talk simply for the sake of passing the time.
The longer (attempt at an) explanation follows below
While I am probably more extrovert than most Norwegians (partly from having lived abroad) my natural inclination is act the way you describe.
I have sometimes asked myself why I don’t engage people around me in a conversation when I am in the types of situations you describe (plane/train-rides, buses, bus stops, checkout counter, walking somewhere etc.) while I will gladly engage strangers with whom I share some kind of experience/situation that is not quite as mundane (first day at a new school/class/semester, first day in the military, parties, clubs, etc.)
I have a couple of ideas of why I and most of my countrymen act like this. The first kind of situations (occupying adjacent spaces for a short time (while going somewhere)) are every-day situations it’s hard to have an opinion of-, much less say something one thinks others might profit from hearing. In the absence of some kind of “hook” or lead-in to a conversation that might be genuinely rewarding (information/insights, (potential) friendship, satisfying curiosity etc.) beyond idle small talk, Norwegians will be perfectly content to remain silent.
In the second kind of situation, a Norwegian will feel that (s)he is actually in a situation that has some kind of significance/meaning to them. In those situations they will have actively come to the same place/event with similar purposes and expect to “be in the same boat” as those around them. There will be more obvious reasons (stated above) to engage and a greater potential for lasting social interaction (friendship). As for the (apparent) mountain anomaly, I think the explanation for that is that mountains (and nature in general) is very significant and interesting to most to most Norwegians. Thus Norwegians will assume that good and useful conversation will be right around the corner when they meet someone in the in the mountains.
The flip side of these tendencies to be reserved and hard to get to know is that when you have managed to get to know someone and found friends they will be very loyal, dependable and warm. As opposed to many other cultures where fleeting acquaintances are extremely easy to get but close friends will be few and far between.
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from L-Jay:
Thank you very much for your comment. It is perfect! Discovering the Norwegian character is just as much an adventure as discovering Norway. Intrigue and wonder are always around the corner but it takes stillness to breath in its personality.
I was puzzled by your comments about the unsocial characteristics of your fellow neighbors in Trmso. When we took a city tour as part of the Hurtigruten cruise, the competent guide explained that Tromso had more bars per capita than any other city in Norway. Hence, I just assumed that more strangers got aquainted, more friendships developed, and more tall tales embellished in record time. Unfortunately, our tour was too short for any interaction with the locals to test out your theory or to sample the akavit. Great cruise though and gorgeous scenery.
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from L-Jay:
Hi Henning
Thanks for your comment. In this article I was actually talking about Norway in general, not just Tromsø. I have lived in Oslo, Harstad, Alta and Tromsø, and have visited many, many towns, so I have a fairly good over-all idea of life here (as an immigrant). Because of this, I can say that Tromsø is the most friendliest place in Norway I have been to
. I understand your point being a (Norwegian) tourist – it is very logical but I’d like to focus on four points from an immigrants perceptive (that I hope will help immigrants understand their new home a little better):
1. The Tourists are Coming!
Tourists are fine – they pour money into the economy – and then they leave (it’s the leaving part Norwegians like). Tourists are not looking for long term friendships – and that’s fine with a Norwegian.
Shop owners know the more conversation they make the more tourists will spend – including pubs, tourists operators and tourist centres. Because Tromsø is a ‘tourist town’ (big boats arriving every day) everyone is switched on about ‘selling Tromsø’. However, if you go to a ‘non-tourist town’, Alta, Kirkenes, Finsnes or Harstad, you will find it much, much harder to make friends*. And in Tromsø, when that big ship horn bellows throughout the city sending off the tourist folk, the city breathes again gets on with life.
* “Friends meaning long-term meaningful relationships.”
2. Norwegians with Beer in their Bellies
Norwegians become very friendly with alcohol in their bellies. It is very easy to make friends in a bar when everyone is tipsy. Drinking buddies are very popular, it seems. Basically, if you don’t hang out in bars or drink because you are a parent, an AA participant, religious, not in your culture, or don’t have the money – then it is much, much harder to make friends if you don’t go out to bars and have to rely on your normal daily activities.
3. Passing by Compared to Living
Unfortunately, a lot of immigrants, especially asylum seekers (which there are a lot of in Norway) do not have the confidence (or social know-how) to go out there and get friends. Being an immigrant you have to make twice the effort as anyone else as you usually have a language and cultural barrier.
Living in Norway is much different than being a tourist passing through. Firstly, the tourists objective is investigative – spurred on by curiosity. You WANT to get to know everything ASAP coz you only have a day, a week or a month. Of course this is attractive to any culture. People love to be of interest, and Norwegians are certainly no exception. Norwegians love talking about themselves and are happy to do so with tourists. When it comes to an immigrant then the reception is very different. Norwegians place expectations on you. They expect you to know the customs, they expect you to know the order of things and they expect you to know the language. If you don’t an immigrant is often frowned on. It takes a whole village to raise a child, but the Norwegian village is very tired of outlander-children coming in and needing that extra care to ‘fit in’. This happens in every culture – what would you do if an immigrant came up to you only knowing sentences without personal pronouns? A lot of people might secretly think: learn the language properly or go back to your own country. This ‘vibe’ can be felt by the immigrant – and it’s no different in Norway.
Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules – like me for example. As soon as I got here I plunged right in. I don’t drink and don’t go to bars but I volunteered with events happening around town (and met the best people – the ‘doers’) which hurdled me into the middle of the social scene. Being a parent limits my social life a bit, but through my activities with the arts industry here my social life is a little rager – even without drinking
4. Ethnicity
Tromsø is very ‘international’ as there is a University here – not all places are like Tromsø. Like every country, certain immigrants are more accepted than others. I find it much easier because of the colour of my skin than other immigrants, especially with older Norwegians. Norwegians aren’t sunshiny-happy people in daily life. They aren’t very quick to welcome new experiences – hec, I work in the arts industry and it is so hard to get Norwegians interested in something new. Norwegians don’t like new, different or other – they like the usual, the same, day after day. This makes it difficult when an immigrant comes with a different look, a different culture and different outlook on life. It’s either ‘assimilate’ (which is what the government intends for all immigrants) or live in a cocoon. I’m sure any American, any Brazilian or any German does not want to give up their traditions and culture and become ‘totally Norwegian’. But as an immigrant that is the pressure and expectation by everyone. So even though immigrants do want to take on Norwegian values, the ‘forceful means’ is the thing that repels them.
Pubs per Capita
The point with having so many ‘pubs’ per capita is that they include any places that sell alcohol – cafes, restaurants, bars, function houses and theatres. Also many cafes are open during the day and the bars are open during the night – so places aren’t open all at the same time. As well, some cafes turn into bars at night and so they are counted as two places. They also count all the bars and restaurants in hotels. They count spaces that don’t permanently have functioning bars – the student building Driv has five bars but only the cafe is open all the time – the bars are only open when there is a special function on. Tromsø is certainly not like London with a pub on every corner. So, the tour guides have kind of doubled up the figures and added a dash of ‘free interpretation’ to get ‘Tromsø has the most pubs per capita in Norway’ claim to fame. Also remember that without tourists and students Tromsø only has 50, 000 people. Pubs and bars are not that crowded when you go out.
There are other ‘claim to fames’ in Tromsø too which are not exactly correct – it’s just that they haven’t updated them in the last 50 years. For instance ‘the worlds northern-most brewery’ – my brother-in-law has a brewery in Honningsvåg.
Few, a long reply, I know…lol. But thanks for the op – I think it is important to help immigrants (like me) to have the heads-up when they come to live in Norway. It takes many hands to build a house but every heart to build a nation.
It is very easy to make friends in a bar when everyone is tipsy. <== lol
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The facts that you stated above are absolutely true. Now I'm really enjoying reading your blog everyday. Keep on! Yes, Norwegians are very difficult to be friend but once you make it through, they're difficult to lose. I love it.
I rather wish to have a good friend than many friends who're just waiting you to rip off.
Long live Norway!
You’re married to Ole Håvards brother?
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from L-Jay:
erh – unfortunately… no. lol. But keep guessing ;D
Love the posts on living in Norway. They are insightful, honest and for me being new to Norway, educational. Thanks so much for sharing.
When I first came to Norway I was really happy to find that my (now) fiance’s friends were so genuine, cheerful, warm and welcoming – not dissimilar to my own friends in Australia. Conversely, it seemed that the people (strangers) I came across in public seemed a bit unfriendly, were often grumpy-looking and not very warm at all. I found it a little confusing and being out and about made me feel a bit down really.
I knew too, that I was projecting my own cultural expectations on an unsuspecting Norwegian public and I wondered what I could do to make sense of things and to feel less like I an alien. It occurred to me that underneath, most people were probably just as friendly as my fiance’s friends and, as long as I was not offending people, I should just adopt my usual (reasonably cheerful) attitude and simply be myself. What I discovered was that as soon as I greeted shop assistants with eye contact, a smile and a cheery ‘hei’ or I thanked a considerate driver with a wave and a smile or if I smiled at shoppers because of the awkwardness of negotiating busy supermarket aisles (or initiated a bit of trolley dancing
), I would almost always get rewarded with a beaming smile back. I’ve actually been really impressed by the genuine warmth, friendliness and helpfulness of most of the Norwegian people that I encounter and it would seem that a smile really can break the ice.
I haven’t been here long enough to have tried making my own friends or to have looked for work, so I guess I will learn more about the people of Norway and more about cultural similarities and differences in time. However, I will try to keep an open mind and in the few months I’ve been here, so far, so good.
Hi
And this post is amazing for me really. I’m a latin girl in love, and loved by, a norskmann…Can you imagine that? haha I knew him from before we started “dating” but I have to tell you, the first two months were a bit weird for me, hard to get his silent moments or one-syllable-answers 
Now I get him, and your post and people’s comments also help a lot 
All of them haha Besos
Wow, I find your blog so fabulous
I remember once when I asked him “You said you liked me a lot, only once…why don’t you say it everyday like a regular guy?” and he answered “I do tell you I like you but not with words…cos I’m norwegian, sweety. But mark this: I love you” hahaha That was the sweetest thing ever!
I now love norwegians